Well it’s safe to say blogging has passed from the list of things I must do everyday to survive. It’s also safe to say that I have very acute moments when I miss it terribly. … “Katie … It’s an online writing platform that no one reads. Why oh why or HOW can you miss it?!” Because there was a lot of life that happened … And it was a pretty great record keeper. Or maybe that’s a very shallow reason so ill jut say I don’t know. But I missed it.
Tonight I got got home from choir with a decision to make. How do I walk forward when there is a big black chasm of ‘what if’ in front of me?
Bob Goff wrote in his book about a time when he felt so led to do something but he got a rejection letter. Instead of being ‘done’ he sat outside of a deans office every day for weeks with the phrase “just tell me to go buy my books”. At the time I read that story and had some misgivings. It felt … Off. Did things like that REALLY happen in life? I mean yes God works miracles, but does He do that?
That was over a year ago. Tonight as I walked inside my house after one of our last team meetings before Ireland, that story kept replaying in my mind. Except in my case the phrase was “just go pack your bags…”
The past … Many … Months I’ve been preparing to go to Ireland with the choir at church on a trip. There were times when people said “you can’t go … You don’t have the money in your budget to pay for it.” I knew God was saying yes, but I was feeling discouraged. Then God spoke truth into my heart “Katie why are you letting man stop you when I’ve said to go?”Oh. That’s a good point. Hadn’t God ALWAYS gone before me and worked out the details … Especially the money? Like He does, he provided the exact amount I needed. Thank you Lord for reminding me of WHO you are.
Then, it was time to pay the last bit, and because of changes in hotels and flights and just stuff, I owed $50. As The Lord would work it, a friend of mine had written me a check in March and slipped it into my purse. I found it weeks later and it was a check for $50 … With the memo line reading “because you’re going to Ireland” … I cried happy tears. Even though at the time, The Lord had already provided the money. So what was this for? … Fast forward to August … That’s what it was for.
Now we’re a week and a half from leaving and I have 2 days I still need off work. There’s been back an forth but it all comes down to the fact that I’ve been battling spiritually the fact that these two days are looming … Hasn’t God gone before me? Giving me a verse to claim for this trip? Working out all the details up to this point? Isn’t he big enough to move this mountain too? As the process for asking off has gone, there have been some days when I have no doubt that the Lord will come through, an others when I’m discouraged and ready to throw in the towel. I’ve asked The Lord for direction and he’s given it. I’ve asked for peace and he’s given it. I’ve asked for the mountain to move … And now Im acting on the belief that it will.
I’ve had stacks in my floor for the past couple weeks of my Ireland clothes. But as things started to happen and as I felt discouraged, I kind of stopped adding to it. Fear crept in. What if God says no? What if I don’t go? What if he was never telling me yes to begin with? What if … And the list goes on and on. But my God doesn’t live in the world of what ifs … He isn’t a god of confusion, but rather the God, sovereign over all things.
Tonight was my “go pack your bags” moment. I’m going to start LIVING like I believe He is going to move that mountain.
I was flipping through my passport tonight and was overcome with The Lord. Maybe it seems strange, but that passport is a diary of the Lord’s faithfulness. He goes before, he hems me in. He is faithful.
Will you you pray with me? Pray for the friends I will get to meet in Ireland and the conversations we will get to have! Pray for the opportunities we will have to encourage others on the ground. Pray that we will be Christ in our love for one another, and love for others we don’t know. Pray that as we sing, we will be the aroma of Christ that draws people in. Pray that The Lord will give me 3 conversations with others where I am only the vessel, but he is the one speaking. Pray that I’m bold in Him and humble in my flesh. And pray that the mountain moves, believing that the one who has created all things, is certainly in control to move all things to His anointed places.